LETTING GO WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF
Finding Peace in the Pieces
I say it all the time, “Let it go,” “Release what no longer serves you,” or the classic, “Stop looking back—you’re not going that way.” While my mantras encourage growth, they can also feel dismissive of the tender, complex relationship we have with our own past.
Non-resistance and non-attachment, rooted in practices like Buddhism, teach us to let go of clinging—whether to outcomes, possessions, or identities. Neuroscience backs this up and suggests that overattachment can activate the brain's stress response, leaving us caught in cycles of rumination. Yet in striving to live mindfully, some people feel like they need to silence their past entirely. But the truth? The past isn’t the problem. It’s how we hold onto it (or resist it) that causes the struggle.
What if the goal wasn’t to escape your memories or emotions, but to invite them in, sit with them, and let them unfold?
Why We Distance Ourselves
Detachment can be a survival mechanism. When the world feels sharp and emotions cut too deep. The easiest thing to do is pull away—disconnect from our surroundings, relationships, and even from ourselves. However, the very things we detach from are often the things we miss most when they’re gone.
Psychologists refer to this as avoidance, which lights up the same parts of the brain as physical pain. We create these self-protective walls, but they don’t just keep out the bad, they block the good too.
Non-Attachment Without Numbing Yourself
There’s an irony in practicing non-attachment: you start letting go of the things you once clung to, only to find yourself missing them when they’re gone. Like an old memory you swore you hated but now long for, even as you walk a path toward mindfulness and freedom.
Welcome to Sunday Sabbatical, where we’re breaking down what it means to hold space for your humanity—even when it feels shit. Settle in, grab a drink, light some incense, and let’s dive deep into the art of embracing without gripping and numbing.
The Pull of the Past
When I say “don’t live in the past,” I’m not asking you to erase it. I’m asking you to reframe it. The moments you’re missing now are proof of your evolution. Nostalgia activates the brain's reward centers, giving us that warm, longing feeling—but it can also pull us into cycles of regret or idealization. It’s okay to miss the chaos you once hated; it’s a reminder that even imperfection had meaning.
The sadness you feel isn’t a failure—it’s an invitation. Let it in, let it teach you, then let it pass.
Releasing vs. Embracing
This is the balance I’ve learned:
Non-attachment doesn’t mean indifference. It means caring deeply but knowing when to let go.
Non-resistance isn’t about suppressing emotion. It’s about allowing emotion to exist without controlling you.
The next time sadness or nostalgia hits, notice it. Where does it sit in your body? What does it ask of you? Then, with kindness, thank it for visiting and let it pass.
Mindful Practices for Balance
If you’re feeling caught between detachment and sentimentality, these practices might help:
Journal With Gratitude: Reflect on your past with compassion. Write not just about the hardships but the lessons and beauty hidden within.
Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation: Send compassion to your past self—the one who was struggling, hating, and simply doing their best.
Anchor in the Present: Use sensory grounding—light your favourite scent, feel the sun on your face, listen to a song that you love. Let the present remind you that you’re safe, here and now.
Take One Brave Step: Whatever scares you—change, that difficult conversation, that dream that feels far away—lean into it, just a little. Bravery isn’t about banishing fear; it’s about taking action anyway.
Embrace the Spectrum
Your past, present, and future are all part of the same spectrum, and the art of living peacefully lies in weaving them together without attaching too tightly to any single thread.
So light that incense, take a deep breath, and let yourself feel it all. The longing, the sadness, the beauty—it’s all part of the journey.
What’s one memory, dream, or desire you’ve distanced yourself from that might be ready for a second chance?
Inspire us - share your thoughts in the comments below!
Stay sexy, stay humble and live with loving kindness. <3
References
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Delacorte.
Fox, M., 2011. The Psychology of Letting Go. RBM: A Journal of Rare Books, Manuscripts, and Cultural Heritage, 12(2), pp.104-109.